


never get to hold you

by ranchhubris



Series: carly rae jepson fics [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Mentioned Kurapika - Freeform, Wet Dream, thats pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranchhubris/pseuds/ranchhubris
Summary: He doesn’t quite remember how it started this time, but he does know that he’s pressed up against the arm of the shitty couch in his living room with someone on his lap. He doesn’t feel the need to question why he's not sure who it is, or why he doesn’t think it matters. It’s been so long since he had time to get laid- he vaguely thinks that he wouldn’t even care if this was a dream.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: carly rae jepson fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182806
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	never get to hold you

**Author's Note:**

> title from "never get to hold you" by carly rae jepson  
> i wrote this so long ago lmao

There's hands everywhere. His own- someone elses, it doesn’t matter. He feels them everywhere. It’s just the two of them, but he feels like there’s thousands of hands on him, more than there should be. That's not to say that it doesn't feel good. It does, it feels really good. 

He doesn’t quite remember how it started this time, but he does know that he’s pressed up against the arm of the shitty couch in his living room with someone on his lap. He doesn’t feel the need to question why he's not sure who it is, or why he doesn’t think it matters. It’s been so long since he had time to get laid- he vaguely thinks that he wouldn’t even care if this was a dream. 

The person in his lap pants into his neck, Leorio finds his hands around their waist, it's small enough that he can almost touch his hands together around it. Well- not really but it feels like it. The urge to hold on and never let go runs through him like lightning and finds its home somewhere in his throat and clouds his vision in a way he didn’t know was possible. Everything is slow, he thinks that it’s probably too slow, but that it’s also probably okay that way. 

Leorio finds his way to his partners mouth somehow, and the way he’s kissed feels like nothing he’s ever felt before. He’s pretty sure his throat is closing up. There’s absolutely nothing outside of what he can feel, what he can taste, and the sound of his partner's breath. It’s all he can do to drag them closer. Hands fall from his chest as he pulls them down onto his. He relishes every point of contact that they have, memorizes it as best he can. He forces his bones to take on weight and warmth that couldn’t be possible otherwise, he tries to tell his partner that they have a home there without words, trying his hardest to pull them infinitely closer. 

There is a near frantic gasp for air when they pull away from him, and the mood shifts. It’s Leorio’s turn to pant into his partners neck, they crane into him, guiding his mouth where they want it and he obliges by kissing them where they want him to. Something deep in his subconscious registers that he wouldn’t dare to deny them anything they needed of him, even if they couldn’t ask for it. 

There’s a hand on top of his, guiding him to pull their hips to his. When he finally does, there’s a deep sigh from above him and he hears his name. Their voice is the most familiar thing in the world, but this moment he doesn’t have it in him to remember where he knows it from. He chokes on his breath when they move their hips against his, and lets his arms wrap around their back completely. It makes moving harder but it's worth it to have them closer to him. 

They fall into a rhythm, but Leorio knows he’s not moving fast enough for his partner, and there is a cruel part of his brain that calls this “typical” of the pair. He resigns himself to accept the pace that has been set for him, and the same cruel part of his brain reminds him that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. 

The way that they are positioned, it’s not so much grinding on each other as it is his partner thrusting down onto him, and Leorio meeting them as much as he can. He’s lost in the pressure of their body pressed into his. His groan takes him by surprise when they find a new angle, and he’s met with breathy laughter. 

“There?” That voice again. 

“Y-eah there,” Leorio confirms.

He noses his way back to his partners mouth when they do it again. 

“As if kissing me will make you any quieter.” Leorio is being laughed at again but he doesn’t have any response. He only pants into their mouth and makes feeble attempts to kiss them. 

His eyes squeeze shut when their rhythms finally sync up again, and Leorio manages to meet his partners thrust. For the first time since he can remember, he gets something louder than a shaky breath from his partner. When they roll their hips together again he hears the whine again, low and soft. He’s pulling them so close to him that he feels the rumble of the next one reverberate into his own chest before he hears it. It’s like this for a while, time comes and goes from his consciousness, but that’s okay. All there is in the air is the desperation of it all, he feels it clouding his head, he feels it in the way his partner grips his hair, in the way he knows that his grip on them must hurt, and in the way that they push themselves ever closer to him. 

His partner’s hips stutter to a halt and he feels their breath shudder straight through his body. They pant Leorio’s name into his ear as they come. He opens his eyes, something in him tells him that out of all of the things he could miss tonight- if it’s even night anymore- this is not one of them. 

He is equal parts elated and devastated when he sees that his partner has taken solid form, maybe they had before, but it’s now that he notices the blond hair that falls around his own face like a curtain, and the bruising grip of the hands on his face that he knows can only belong to one person. It hits him like a truck as he places the voice. It's all he can do to bury his face in Kurapika’s chest as he lets out a sob. 

He feels the positioning shift. They’re sitting up now, with Kurapika still in his lap. Kurapika who is cradling him like he is something precious as Leorio sobs into his chest. Kurapika who would never show him this much kindness under normal circumstances. Kurapika who is murmuring things to him that he has no hope of hearing for real. Kurapika who is here with him for a precious few moments. 

Nothing else exists for what feels like both hours and seconds, and when he manages to stop crying, he allows himself to be kissed all over his face, and to be pulled down to lay on Kurapikas chest. He’s pretty sure that Kurapika has fallen asleep, but he can’t let himself. There is the shape of his face to be memorized again and again until he knows no other, there is his heartbeat to hear, and the feeling of his hands on Leorio's back and shoulders, and the way Kurapikas legs shift in his sleep. Eventually though, he has to let himself rest. His eyes fall shut. 

He wakes up alone the instant they do. He is in his bed, in his bedroom, in his shitty apartment. His breath doesn’t waver as he puts the book he fell asleep reading aside. There are no tears as he checks the time and determines it too late to attempt sleeping again tonight. His legs stay solid under him as he remembers the weight he will carry in his bones for the rest of the day- the rest of his life, it’s one of the familiar ones he carries everyday. His morning routine carries on as usual, he showers, makes himself coffee and breakfast. He studies and ignores the way his throat feels, and the fog that settles deep in his brain. 

Kurapikas face greets him every time he closes his eyes, this is not unusual. He knows today will be rougher than the other days though. He steels himself. He hopes that today is the day Kurapika answers his phone calls, or his texts. He knows it won't be. He will call anyways. He will text anyways. He will be there anyways. He will be there always.

**Author's Note:**

> pls kudos and comment if you liked it, i will owe you my whole life  
> talk to me on [tumblr](https://narutoskinlist.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/narutoskinlist)!  
> i love u!


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